It’s a safe bet that the game rules the world

I’m giving 10:1 odds that something like this is coming to a radio or TV near you soon:

“Welcome to today’s edition of ‘News You Can Use.’ I’m your host, Harvey Headline, with the latest news, weather and sports Before we begin, a word from one of our sponsors.

“Hi folks. Trader Tom here. Hear what I’m offering you today: $50 in free bets on what’s going to be the biggest news. Text me now!”

“OK, we’re back with ‘News You Can Use.’ We’ll get to our main story in a minute, but right now we have an emergency weather situation. First, this brief commercial message.

Sam Venable, KNS columnist.

“Emperor Wealth is now offering a $750 sign-in bonus. Even better, you get two bets for the price of one. We have multiple payment plans. Get the Emperor Wealth app today. Now back to Harvey Headline and “News You Can Use”.

“Thank you, Emperor Wealth. Let’s move on to our meteorologist, Carl Cloud, who is monitoring a line of thunderstorms threatening our area. What’s the latest, Carl?”

“It’s not looking good, Harvey. But you never know about storms like these. They could rotate 90 degrees and miss us completely. When we get back, I’ll post the latest Poplar Radar to show what I’m talking about. Before we get to that, though, a quick note from our friend Bob Bigbucks from Betting Bonanza. How do you read this thing, Bob?

“Thank you Carl. As you know, Betting Bonanza has always predicted winners when it comes to severe weather. It’s only $99.95 to get our latest projections for storms in any part of the country. Sign up today and win your share of the jackpot. Let’s get back to you, Carl.

“Thank you Bob. As promised, our latest Poplar Radar shows the current path of these storms. No doubt this will put a damper on the final round of today’s Teed Off Golf Championships. Hear from our Athletic Director, Jack Jock, who is there. Has the storm reached you?

“Not yet, Carl, but there’s a lot of thunder and lightning, so the tournament is on hold. If we’re lucky, maybe this mess will pass quickly so play can resume. I’m live with Gene Greenback, President of Winning Wonders, for his thoughts on the ever-changing situation.

“It’s a no-brainer. At Winning Wonders, we rarely miss storms like this. We even offer $1,000 bet insurance to the first 10 viewers who contact us on our app. As always, we’re delighted to pair with “News You Can Use” so viewers stay well-informed about important events. Now back to Harvey at the station.

“Phew! What a busy day for breaking news! We finally have time for our top story: the Powerball drawing, it’s tonight! Stay tuned for exciting details! (Oh yes, if please play responsibly.)”

Sam Venable’s column appears weekly. Contact him at [email protected]


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